On Borrowed Time
by Bemused Writer
Summary: When Wei Wuxian is resurrected, he can sense something is wrong. As it turns out, the curse that is keeping him alive is also a death sentence. If he can simply accomplish Mo Xuanyu's revenge, avoid those he once knew, and cast aside attachment, all should be well. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. [LWJ/WWX; CQL Universe of MZDS]


The taste of iron was the first thing he noticed. The next was that light was _painful. _After that was the agony in his arm followed by Mo Xuanyu's voice intoning urgent instructions.

When the specter disappeared he took a moment to look at the marks on his arm.

_A death curse, _he realized forlornly. Whoever Mo Xuanyu had been, he'd been desperate, but more to the point he'd sacrificed everything to bring him back: his body was nothing but a circle of blood around Wei Wuxian, his spirit had dissipated into nothingness, and Wei Wuxian was left with a cold mission that, even when satisfied, would never satisfy the devastated soul.

As he continued to study the deep cuts in his arm he considered the power they radiated and what it meant for him. It didn't take long for him to sense his life force tied to the marks; this was a time sensitive curse, connected directly to Mo Xuanyu's vengeance. Once that vengeance had been satisfied, Wei Wuxian would return to his previous dust and ruin.

As Mo Xuanyu's family rained blows upon him his only thought was, _I can't let Lan Zhan find me. _He didn't deserve to suffer because of Wei Wuxian a second time.

* * *

_Nothing can be gained without giving something away, the spark of life least of all._

Wei Wuxian considered this as he twirled Chenqing. As soon as he'd woken up in the Mo clan he'd known: he was running on borrowed time.

_I was better off dead, _he thought glumly. At least then he wouldn't be tormented with the sight of those he'd loved before, those he'd lost, and, most importantly, he wouldn't have to avoid them.

Lan Zhan was as devastatingly beautiful as always-more so than his memory had given him credit for or perhaps in their time apart the man had simply grown more graceful, more skilled, the very image of perfection.

He'd wanted to stay and simply drink in his visage, but he knew he couldn't. Lan Zhan would recognize him far too easily; Mo Xuanyu had somehow brought back not just his soul but he'd resurrected his body as well. No, a mask likely wouldn't be enough to trick the Light Bearing Lord.

He'd bid a hasty retreat to the Mo clan and the junior disciples, but his soul wailed at the separation. Lan Zhan had been the only one who had wanted him to live at the very end and that was…

He couldn't remember the afterlife, but he knew that singular fact had stayed with him in death and his newfound life. It filled him with warmth that filled his very being even as his arm continued to feel the icy chill of death.

* * *

As it turned out, he barely managed to avoid Lan Zhan for even a few days. For some reason, the man was traversing the countryside and then, as if that wasn't baffling enough, recognized him with a speed that shocked even Wei Wuxian. He gripped his arm very tightly, but before Wei Wuxian could say anything at all he was consumed by a dizzying nausea.

Ah, right. He still didn't have a Golden Core and he was using the Demonic Path. Combine that with this curse and he was probably pushing himself a little more than he should have.

As he dropped into a faint he wished he could return to happier times when the sun was a touch more golden, his martial sister was a solid presence at his side, his martial brother didn't hate him, and Lan Zhan had never seen him die.

_I wonder what would happen if I simply didn't fulfill Mo Xuanyu's wishes? _he wondered before the world went black.

* * *

_You don't wish to remove the curse? _a distorted voice boomed.

_I want to stay at their side. What purpose could dying a second time serve?_

_That is not for you to decide._

_So? What are the consequences then? If I leave it be I'll simply continue to live._

A long silence filled the void until, _You may not feel that way when you see the atrocities that have been committed._

_That's not a consequence._

The voice hummed irritably before finally saying, _You would simply … fade. If you abandon your task, a living death will befall you._

So that's how it would be.

* * *

The threat of a living death or its partner, regular death, didn't change that the curse entailed so much more than simply dying.

It was waking up in Lan Zhan's bed, turning to see him play the zither, and saying sixteen years had felt like a dream when the truth was that that moment felt more dream-like than anything before. It was looking into Lan Zhan's eyes every day and seeing unsurpassed affection he knew he didn't deserve. It was knowing that after their travels concluded, he would have to leave him again.

"What do you want to do after all this?" he ventured one night as they're camped out. He wasn't sure what possessed him to ask. It wasn't like he would get to see Lan Zhan's future for himself but…

He poked the makeshift fire with a stick, hoping to encourage it to grow.

He supposed he wanted to make sure he'd be all right. He wasn't sure what Lan Zhan had been doing all this time but he got the sense he'd been lonely.

Lan Zhan was resting on the opposite side of the fire, flat on his back. He had no idea how it was comfortable, but it was how Lan Zhan always slept, with his hands resting over his heart, his eyes set on the sky.

They were both exhausted after traveling the entire day, especially Lan Zhan who had a much earlier bedtime than Wei Wuxian ever had.

Lan Zhan hesitated, his lips parted ever so slightly, and Wei Wuxian couldn't help the affection that flooded him at the sight. Why was the man so endearing?

"I want … to stay," he finally said.

"Stay?" Wei Wuxian said with a sinking heart, the joy from earlier dashed to bitter embers in a heartbeat.

"With you," Lan Zhan clarified. He glanced over at the fire, his face as passive as ever, but Wei Wuxian could make out the embarrassment in his eyes, the fear of rejection.

Wei Wuxian bit his lip and looked away. Of all the answers he'd expected that had been low on the list. He'd thought he would tell him he wanted to improve his cultivation or possibly teach more students. He hadn't expected himself to factor in whatsoever.

"I'd like that, too," he whispered back with too much honesty, his throat tight with an emotion he couldn't speak. Nothing was more harrowing than seeing Lan Zhan lay himself bare before him with words alone.

Lan Zhan turned away from the fire to study him. His eyes were so soft; everything about him seemed soft in that moment, nothing at all like the cold Light Bearing Lord everyone insisted he was.

Feeling strangely compelled, Wei Wuxian set the stick aside, crossed the distance between them, and carefully maneuvered himself so he was lying at Lan Zhan's side. He wrapped his arms about him tightly, propped himself up just so, and stared into his eyes. He could see the stars reflected in them in shades of purple, white, and blue.

"Wei Ying?" he breathed.

"I want to stay," he whispered harshly, willing the tears that threatened to spill away. "With you."

Wei Wuxian kissed him.

* * *

It was actually more difficult after that. If it had been painful seeing the affection in Lan Zhan's eyes before, it was nothing compared to the swell of romantic devotion that filled them now.

It occurred to Wei Wuxian that the masses may have had a point about him being careless, foolish, crass, and all the other choice words they'd had about him. He certainly felt like all of those things now, but worst of all he also felt like a liar. He hadn't spoken a single word, yet he'd promised Lan Zhan a future, a future they could never have.

And he knew Lan Zhan was planning for it. He kept performing subtle gestures of care: he brought him his favorite food and drink, he brushed out and styled Wei Wuxian's hair despite his protestations, and he carefully folded their outer robes side-by-side before they went to bed in the local tavern of wherever they'd ended up, always in the same bed, and always with Lan Zhan pressed as closely to him as he could get away with.

It was like they were already married and Lan Zhan had taken up all their domestic affairs. He even paid for everything.

The guilt gnawing at Wei Wuxian's heart grew worse by the day. He tried to ease it by reciprocating Lan Zhan's gestures even though it hurt all the more to do so. He drew him pictures of the landscapes they passed through, of Lan Zhan himself, and one of the two of them together. He'd been so overcome with grief after drawing that he'd had to turn away when Lan Zhan thanked him. He'd feigned embarrassment, but he wasn't sure Lan Zhan had believed him.

Sometimes, if he wasn't drawing, he would cook. He even left out the spices. Lan Zhan's eyes always crinkled with delight when he did that.

_Why did you bring me back only to taunt me with the impossibility of paradise?_

No one answered.

* * *

When Lan Zhan drew his sleeve back his eyes were steely. They were in The Silent Room once more and he must have inspected his injuries.

Wei Wuxian looked up at him guiltily but Lan Zhan kept staring steadfastly at the marks on his arm, his grip tight. Wei Wuxian tried to pull away to no avail. Only then did Lan Zhan look up at him and Wei Wuxian took in a sharp breath at the profound grief suddenly on display before him.

His eyes darted from the mark to Wei Wuxian's eyes and no doubt saw the confirmation of his worst fears there for his breathing grew labored and his eyes closed tightly, his wan face the very vision of agony.

"Again?" he said brokenly.

Wei Wuxian turned away and gave a small nod.

Lan Zhan looked away in horror. "No," he whispered.

Wei Wuxian gently grasped his hand and held it close, a silent comfort.

It took several minutes, but when Lan Zhan had mastered himself once more his face was stern. "Don't fulfill the curse," he said, grasping at his arm tightly. "You owe Mo Xuanyu nothing; do not fulfill the requirements."

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian began tiredly, "what do you think will happen if I don't?"

Lan Zhan gazed at him earnestly, without comprehension. Wei Wuxian wished there were some way of explaining this that would make it less painful, but he knew it was an impossibility. Nothing he could say would ease the crushing burden he had placed on him now.

"It's… It's not like I'll get to keep living," he began. "That's not how it works. This curse is fueled by vengeance. If that vengeance is ignored, then…"

"Then you die anyway?" Lan Zhan said and his horror grew more prominent on his face. "There's ... no getting out of it?"

He still clutched at Wei Wuxian's arm but now his touch trembled ever so slightly. Wei Wuxian never thought he'd see the day where Lan Zhan was so moved, so broken, and he loathed himself all the more for being the cause.

He remembered Lan Zhan's face when he fell, when he killed himself to spare Lan Zhan's life. He wondered if what he did was truly merciful at all back then. He'd just wanted it over at the time. He hadn't thought much about what he was leaving in his wake. He hadn't thought Lan Zhan so attached he would give up a part of his life just to look for him. He hadn't thought he would be dragged back from his peace to put the man through it all over again.

Looking at him now, he was inclined to say he'd spared Lan Zhan nothing and that … that made him rethink everything he'd done up to this point. It hurt all the more but he cared little for his own grief.

Very gently, he pulled Lan Zhan close and cradled him in his arms. Lan Zhan was too dignified to give voice to his sorrow, but Wei Wuxian had seen the beginning of tears gathering at the corner of his eyes; the least he could do was offer him the solace of some basic privacy.

Lan Zhan buried his face in his chest and Wei Wuxian pressed a kiss the crown of his head, murmured low words of comfort, and rocked him gently.

Lan Zhan wrapped his arms about him tightly as he trembled. He took in shuddering, silent breaths. If someone were to look at them right now, they would have no idea how distraught the Light Bearing Lord really was. They might even simply see it as a quiet moment of intimacy. Wei Wuxian continued to stroke his hair, continued to place kisses upon it, desperately wishing he could do something to make the pain stop. Neither of them said anything more.

* * *

"I will stop it," Lan Zhan said lowly as they lied together that night. Lan Zhan's legs were entangled with his own and his head rested heavily on Wei Wuxian's chest with his arms wrapped tightly about his middle. He had a feeling Lan Zhan was making sure he couldn't escape, couldn't leave him.

"Lan Zhan…" He sighed and willed himself not to get snippy. He didn't want to explain to him he was going to die; there wasn't anything to be done about it. He was trying desperately not to think on it any further.

Apparently, Lan Zhan had other ideas.

"You were brought back once," he continued, heedless of Wei Wuxian's discomfort. "It could be done again. Differently."

"Will Hanguang-jun really use such questionable methods?" Wei Wuxian said dryly. "Necromancy is more my thing."

"For you," he said steadily, staring off into the distance.

Wei Wuxian shifted uncomfortably. He'd never liked how everyone referred to his crafty method or the Demonic Path as "evil," but the thought of Lan Zhan trying any of it…

That didn't sit well with him at all.

"Leave such questionable methods to me," he said lightly. "Hanguang-jun is too pure for that kind of thing."

"Using my title won't change what I do," he said with just a touch of testiness. Ah, now he was annoying him.

"Lan Zhan," he said more seriously, "you were right when you said it before: there is always a price for such things. It affects the mind and the spirit. I nearly lost myself back at Nightless City; do you really think I'd be happy seeing that happen to you?"

He looked away petulantly. Wei Wuxian marveled at it; he was one of the privileged few who even knew Lan Zhan _had _a petulant streak.

He rubbed soothing circles into his shoulder apologetically.

"I should have told you sooner."

He didn't even mean to say it, but it was true. He shouldn't have let the charade go on for so long. If he'd really been efficient, Lan Zhan wouldn't even know he was in the living world now. They wouldn't be locked in this embrace and he wouldn't have broken his heart.

But as selfish as it was, he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

Lan Zhan didn't reply, but the way he tightened his hold even further was answer enough.

* * *

After Jin Guangyao died and they finally escaped Bodhisattva Temple there was a pause where everyone took in the fact they were still alive. Lan Zhan sat beside him, as sure and as steady a presence as he'd been since Wei Wuxian had first returned. Jiang Cheng was staring at him, but neither of them approached. He supposed there were some bridges neither were quite willing to cross.

Lan Zhan stood and bowed to his uncle while Wei Wuxian had his ear talked off by one of the younger disciples. He didn't understand how Lan Zhan could still want anything to do with his uncle after everything, but he kept his peace on the matter. If it made Lan Zhan happy, then so be it.

Besides, he had his own concerns. He carefully undid the black cloth used to bind his sleeve and rolled it up. Before his eyes the gash faded away into nothing. He said nothing and smiled softly to himself. It wouldn't be long now.

Lan Zhan glanced over, his countenance troubled despite their victory.

"Wei Ying…"

"Time to go?" he said brightly. He didn't miss the way Jiang Cheng's eyes narrowed in consideration or how the younger disciples were all staring at the two of them in confusion.

Lan Zhan gave a simple, tight nod.

"All right."

They bid their farewells, Lan Zhan in an especially brisk manner, and took off with Little Apple in tow.

"Your uncle is going to think you've decided to elope with me. You barely said a thing to him," Wei Wuxian laughed.

"Don't tease," Lan Zhan said in a strained tone.

Wei Wuxian twirled Chenqing awkwardly. Right, probably shouldn't joke about what could have been, but he desperately needed a distraction from his upcoming demise. Lan Zhan glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"I would," Lan Zhan said suddenly.

"Ah…" Oh, no.

"Whatever it takes to stay at your side."

"Don't be so serious," Wei Wuxian said, his voice wavering slightly. "It… it makes it harder."

"You're still alive," Lan Zhan said. He turned slightly to face him and there was desperate hope in his gaze. "Perhaps we were mistaken as to the nature of the curse."

Wei Wuxian doubted that. He could feel his strength draining the further they walked. He glanced away at Lan Zhan's sharp intake of breath.

"You're…"

"It's still happening," he said roughly. "I just… I don't know why it wasn't right away. I suppose some remnants of the curse are still lifting and I'm fading with it."

He avoided Lan Zhan's gaze, idly rubbing Little Apple behind the ears. He could tell Lan Zhan was studying him, was turning the situation over in his mind every which way, no doubt thinking he could find some way of preventing the unpreventable. He loved that about him.

He loved...

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes tightly with a bitter grin.

"What?" Lan Zhan demanded in that flat tone that always alluded to him feeling so much more.

"Nothing," he said bitterly. "Just the universe getting one last joke in at my expense."

Lan Zhan lowered his eyes in acknowledgement but he could see the curiosity there, the desire to know. He ignored it.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said, somehow maintaining his composure, "there are some things I haven't told you."

"Oh?" Now that was interesting. "What is it?"

But just as he opened his mouth to say they were interrupted by Lan Sizhui and Wen Ning rushing to their side. Really now.

_Why are those two so quick every time? _he wondered irritably.

It ended up being a blessing in disguise. Learning that A-Yuan had lived, that he would now be traveling with Wen Ning who so desperately needed a companion, it eased his conscience in a way he hadn't even realized he needed.

When the two left, Lan Zhan turned to him and said, "That was one of the things I meant to tell you."

"Oh, Hanguang-jun has gotten better at keeping secrets," Wei Wuxian said teasingly. "This was a nice surprise, though," he continued in a softer voice. "I really thought he'd died."

Lan Zhan inclined his head slightly.

"So, what else were you going to say?"

"I—" He looked taken aback, as if he himself had forgotten he was going to reveal a secret to him. Seeing the conflict there Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"Let's go, Lan Zhan."

He took off, tripping only slightly over a rock as he did so, which he tried to play off as purposeful. When Lan Zhan didn't immediately follow he turned around, meaning to tease him for being slow, only to see his stricken gaze as he stared at the ground. Wei Wuxian followed his line of sight and a silent "oh" of understanding escaped him.

It was him lying there, dead on the ground. He had collapsed on his side in a rather inelegant sprawl if he said so himself. Was a little dignity too much to ask? At least he wasn't covered in blood or manic like last time. It was cold comfort.

Little Apple was staring at him with something that seemed like concern. He'd even managed to alarm the donkey.

He bit his lip, feeling tears prick his eyes or whatever passed for them now. None of his wry musings could distract him from one inescapable fact: Lan Zhan couldn't come with him now.

He took in a shuddering breath. Or, more accurately, he tried to. The world of the dead was a very still one, he was beginning to realize and it was cold as well. He glanced down but he saw no form indicating he was there at all. He was as incorporeal as he could get it seemed.

Having recovered from his shock, Lan Zhan rushed to his body's side and brought forth his zither. It seemed remarkably bright and Wei Wuxian flinched it's sudden appearance.

"Wei Ying!" he cried, his voice cracking ever so slightly. His eyes were bright and his hair was askew as he began playing Inquiry. Wei Wuxian closed his eyes in agony; he was suddenly very glad their disciples had already left. They didn't need to see this, didn't need to know how terribly human the Light Bearing Lord really was. Though, A-Yuan might know already if he was raised by him.

"Please," Lan Zhan murmured and this time a tear trailed down his cheek. It was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking.

Wei Wuxian knelt beside the zither. He wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to respond. He still didn't remember what it was like to be dead. He was surprised he'd maintained his sight although…

It was starting to fade or, perhaps more accurately, changing. Lan Zhan's visage was becoming hazy. He urgently inspected the zither. He knew ghosts could respond but how? How could he tell Lan Zhan he was still here?

If he forced Lan Zhan to traverse the world and look for him all over again he would never forgive himself.

"I'm here," he tried. Nothing. "Lan Zhan, I'm here!"

He focused on the zither and forced his will upon it. A single string unleashed a weak tone.

Lan Zhan let out a harsh breath. He was hunched over the instrument, staring at Wei Wuxian's body intently.

"Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan played the same chords again. This time Wei Wuxian's response was a little stronger. He could just make out Lan Zhan's face still. There were still tears there, but there was also hope and Wei Wuxian figured if this was the last he would see of him, it was a far better sight than his grief.

"You're still here," he breathed, his voice sounded smothered. Perhaps from the tears or perhaps Wei Wuxian's hearing was starting to fade as well.

Lan Zhan played the zither again and this time it felt like the sound made more sense. It felt like a sentence as opposed to mere music.

_Are you Wei Ying?_

He focused carefully on the sound. Everything was dark now; he couldn't make Lan Zhan out at all. He tried not to let the despair of that drag him into resentment or rage. Instead he answered, _Yes._

_I didn't get to tell you._

Wei Wuxian wondered at that. What, exactly, had Lan Zhan needed to tell him outside of A-Yuan being alive.

_What? _He'd need to get better at this; conversing through a zither took more effort than he'd realized.

_I found a way to keep a soul in this world._

What Wei Wuxian wanted to say was _What did I tell you about messing with these things? When did you even have time to do that?_

What came out was _When?_

_I sought out the books in the Lan Clan's library as soon as I found out about Mo Xuanyu's curse._

Of course he had.

_But it may not be necessary. You are still here._

Come to think of it he was, wasn't he? He couldn't decide if he wanted to demand answers regarding what Lan Zhan had been prepared to do if he _hadn't _been here still and simply asking why he was here at all.

But deep down, he knew why. Attachment was one of the main things that kept a spirit from moving on. The first time he'd died, he'd simply been relieved to know someone still cared. He'd died with a light heart and, frankly, with quite a bit of relief knowing he wouldn't have to deal with clan squabbling anymore.

But this time? This time he had someone he treasured, someone he couldn't bear to let go of.

Someone he loved.

He had no idea how to translate that for the zither. But it turned out he didn't have to because Lan Zhan said, _…Will you stay?_

He wasn't sure how he could sense the hesitation there but he could. Well, this would be an odd relationship and he couldn't lie to himself: this probably wasn't safe for either of them in the long run.

But for now he found he really wasn't all that concerned with the details. It was hardly ideal-Lan Zhan would be stuck finding some way of putting his body to rest for one and explaining he really wasn't crazy when he spoke to an invisible man for another-but for now they could be together, which was more than he'd anticipated.

_Yes._

* * *

**Notes:** It's a bleak tale but even I wasn't able to separate them permanently. I wrote this story for the Halloween season and even though the supernatural bent is mild, I hope it suits well enough! Let me know what you think. ^^ Also, when I first watched the show, I sincerely believed this was how the curse was going to work. Needless to say, the finale was particularly stressful for me as I kept expecting Wei Wuxian to drop dead at any moment. 8D


End file.
